my demons
My past is still haunting me. The fact that im over sensitive and easily jealous about you, is because i love you and i do not want to loose you. Not again. I dont want to give up. Not now, not ever. But sometimes, i think to myself, am i being fair? I contact people whom you get upset or jealous over, too. But, i have hidden many things from you, by deleting and silence, and maybe that is what is the difference between you and me. You do it out in the open, whereas i hide it. I hide it so as to not make you upset or make you think that the past is reenacting again. I dont want anything to spoil whatever future is in store. Thats my only reason i can give you. May you accept it, or may you not.
I have realised that life is not always fair. No, it didnt take me 21 years to realise this. I had realised it very long ago, i just didnt accept it. I didnt want to. I long to be as happy as can be. Doesnt everyone?
Nothing satisfies us.
It is said that humans, or some, are easily satisfied. Some of us even state that we are easily satisfied. Lot of BULL. No one in this world is ever easily satisfied, even when the best is within, or in, our reach. We always desire for more, or better. We are all selfish, self-centered and greedy. I learnt this from someone, and its true.
So many things i desire to do, and am hoping i can accomplish them and be able to move on, move forward.
- settle my summons
- do my passport and i/c
- driving license
- study? maybe. depends on how things work out for me
They arent goals. The list is more of something that HAS to be done, before i can even think of future endeavours. If i dont start from those listed, who knows how messy and complicated my future will turn out.
As Cass’ wrote, we should be grateful for what we already have, and try not to be too greedy. Yea, thats like so unbelievably not like us. HAHA
